Jen Sonstein Maidenberg

For some years now, I have been a student of Jewish mysticism; Kabbalah with a “K” (compared to Qabalah or Cabala or other spellings that typically reference other streams of mysticism, such as Hermetic or Christian.) I’ve written a few articles here on the web site that weave in some Kabbalistic concepts, and I’ve spoken a little more about those on my Patreon, but in general I haven’t yet written much publicly on the topic.

I have a sense that this is about to change, and in advance of that, I want to share with you my beliefs about how and where to study Kabbalah. First of all, if you have arrived here to read this article, this article may be part of your answer to “where to start.” Which is to say, you will be drawn toward that which you are meant to learn from, and who you are meant to learn from and with. You may be drawn to a living teacher or a teacher who is no longer living, through that teacher’s books, lectures, or living students. How we come upon those teachers is also usually part of the path; part of learning how our own particular soul is drawn to other souls. By this I mean that part of learning Kabbalah is knowing your own soul more intimately. By being in contact with what our soul wants and needs, we become better skilled at finding the right people to learn from and with, and the environments that are suited to us.

This can take time, however, and there may be what seem to be false starts. I look back at my own false starts and I realize these, too, were part of the path. Learning what and who is not a good fit for us is a way to know better what and who is.

What’s amazing from this vantage point of midlife is how much Kabbalah was part of my life my entire life without my being aware of it. This is very Kabbalistic in and of itself. As students of Kabbalah, we seek the hidden. We want to know more about the Mystery. We want to uncover or discover. And yet, we are completely unaware that what we seek is often right there in front of us, behind us, next to us, around us, or inside us already. It’s just that we have not yet developed the capacity to perceive or receive it.

I found my way to Kabbalah through a love of books, magic, dreams, language, puzzles, and song. Looking back, I can see that I was always a student of Kabbalah — since I was a child! — even though I didn’t recognize myself as one until 2021.

You will find your way to and through your own study and practice of Kabbalah via what you love, via what lights you up, and via what ignites such a curiosity in you that you must seek out that which you want to know. You will do this because the desire to know will burn inside you. You will feel a yearning. Sometimes, however, the yearning is also hidden for a long time, and then one day it’s revealed.

For me, the yearning existed for a while untended before I found in a used book store in Saugerties, NY a copy of Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan’s Meditation and Kabbalah. I had been convinced that in order to study Jewish mysticism, I needed a living teacher and that teacher hadn’t yet shown up in my field. However, as it turned out, Aryeh Kaplan would be my first teacher, and my study would begin independently and stay independent for some time. That was how it was meant to go. Looking back, it’s very clear to me that it went the way it was meant to. 

This brings me to two other “hows” of studying Kabbalah: trust and timing. Certainly, if you want to study something in depth, action is required. But with Kabbalah, so are trust and timing. There is no rushing study of Kabbalah: many of the concepts are quite difficult and meant to be studied over many seasons and years. Cyclical time — returning again and again to a story, a teaching, a topic — is part of the DNA of Judaism and Jewish mysticism. Be patient with yourself. Be gentle. Be open to receiving the understanding that you need at the right time. I started studying the mystical text Sefer Yetzirah in the fall of 2021 (Kaplan’s commentary on it), and since then, fall has always been Sefer Yetzirah season (later I would discover Rabbi Jill Hammer’s version). My study of this text each fall manifests differently each time: sometimes it’s through text study, sometimes it’s through a contemplative practice like meditation or visualization, sometimes through art, and more recently through preparing to teach it to others.

What I want to end with and emphasize today is that you actually know more than you probably think you do about how and where to study Kabbalah. If you feel called to start studying, simply notice that and be open to the idea of the who and the how arriving at the right time, and in the right format for you. One word of caution, however, is to remember that a teacher is a human being, too. He or she has also traveled the path of not-knowing. He or she may be very learned or experienced, but also a student like you, no matter how old or how skilled or how many people have bought their books or attend their workshops. We can give great respect to our teachers while also remembering that every person is required to earn our respect through their actual presence, by how they actually show up in the world, not simply by their degrees or titles or published books. A good teacher is humble, too. A good teacher is also a good student of life. We would do well to also observe how our revered teachers act out in the world: how they speak, how they treat their partner, how they respond to questions or criticism. 

If you’re interested in learning more about Kabbalah, I’d be happy to try to point you in the direction of certain books or teachers, based on your own specific interests. Or you can schedule a one-on-one session in which I can learn a little more about you in depth and offer some suggestions. You can reach out to me via the Contact Form.