Jen Sonstein Maidenberg

The more you pay attention to anything the more you start to notice its subtle characteristics or distinctions. Intentionally paying more attention to something — like a scientist, detective, artist, or young child might — is a spiritual practice in and of itself. Over these last many years as I have been paying more attention to my experience of dreams, memory, and time, I have begun to notice for myself a subtle difference in the way I experience my thoughts, feelings, and sense impressions from my environment just upon waking from sleep or just upon exiting a meditative or flow state compared to how I experience all that when I am alert and active.

There is something about the relaxed state that activates a different way of receiving and perceiving thoughts, feelings, and sense impressions. We can become more aware of this subtle difference in reception and perception the more time we choose to spend in relaxed states. When we do, we may find that who we are in such states is quite different than who we are when we are not. In fact, reality itself can feel quite different in those subtle in-between states. If you have ever heard a voice or seen an image in your mind’s eye just before falling asleep you may know what I mean about reality feeling different sometimes. Where did that voice come from? How did I “hear” it when there is no one in the room but me?

Most of us believe we spend our lives in two states: asleep and awake. Of course, we might occasionally notice an in-between state; for instance, when we are tired (but still awake). Many of us resist such a state as it’s more difficult to function or to perform necessary tasks when we are tired or less alert. We might even prefer alertness, especially at work or in school; and we may purposefully arrange our lives to promote alertness over relaxation. (ie. Coffee, energy drinks, the gym, uptempo music, high intensity entertainment, etc.) 

Most of us have very busy schedules and demands that require our alertness. I get it. So do I. Even those of us who cherish our beds and bedtimes hardly ever make rest a priority for fear of missing out or failing to get all that we need done. As a result, we never get the chance to get better acquainted during the day with our restful self, nor with the version of reality that emerges when our brain switches from the alert state to more restful states. Some of us get a glimpse of it while on a restful vacation or even during an extended illness when we are forced to stay in bed. But it’s through regular intentional engagement with our relaxed, yet still awake self that we start to notice the subtle difference in our perception and reality when in the “in-between.” Over time, we begin to sense a difference even between an ordinary state of perception and a nonordinary state of perception. What I mean by this is that the texture of experience changes and we are able to identify differences in how we feel or perceive.

A nonordinary state of perception (or consciousness) is defined as a typically temporary state of awareness in which you begin to notice differences in your experience of time and space, your ability to access memory or emotions, and even changes to your sense of self. If you’re someone who drinks coffee or energy drinks, you already know what it’s like to be in a temporary nontypical state of alertness. Caffeine is a psychoactive substance that boosts alertness. Time and space feel a little different when you’ve drunk a lot of coffee, don’t they? If you’ve smoked weed or taken psychedelics, you also probably have experienced time and space distortions. People’s speech can sound slower when you’re high. The density of the air can feel thicker. Touch can feel more delicious or more offensive. These are all temporary experiences of nonordinary perception.

We can get into such nonordinary states of perception, however, completely on our own, without substances, and as a result, maintain much greater access to our observer mind during such states so that we can both be in nonordinary perception, and observe ourselves in such a state. We loosen our firm grip of what we think we know or who we think we are enough to experience the world or our interaction with it as new, strange, or unfamiliar. However, we maintain enough of a connection still to “mind” to be able to use it to assess, compare, and contrast. 

As a result, we can — over time and with lots of practice — learn how to access and remain in these subtle in-between states with greater ease and more frequency. We can also notice when we are in such states — however brief and momentary they may be. Again, over time and with practice, we might discover that we are in such states more often than our interpretive parts of our brain notice or signal to us. Simply, we may slip out of ordinary consciousness spontaneously without noticing … until we start to notice. (Itzhak Bentov talks about this possibility a little in his book Stalking the Wild Pendulum.)

As it relates to spiritual development work, the more we enter into these relaxed, receptive states, the more often we get to interact with our own soul / higher self or the subtle energies or intelligence we seek to interact with, whether that’s God, spirits, deities, angels, the Matrix, Universal Mind, etc.

We can do this on our own, sober, and while awake.

This is not a practice suited just for mystics, or religious individuals, however. It’s one that can benefit all of us.

So often I hear people lament that they feel disconnected from themselves or the person they “once were” or long to be.  Making time to be in a restful state enables us to access the person we once were or who we wish to be — through our imagination and our memory.

Alternatively, I hear people wishing or praying for a “sign” from the Universe or a message from Beyond. Yet the assume that if such a sign or message comes, it will come via ordinary perception and they will understand it as if it was a billboard on the highway. 

Have you ever sought advice or feedback from the Universe or God, whether it’s to make a difficult decision or to feel comforted and supported during a challenging time?

Have you ever wished — after hurting someone, let’s say, or messing up — that you could have engaged in the interaction as a better version of yourself? What is that better version of yourself? And how do you know when you are acting like him or her? 

Do you ever wish you could understand your own behavior or needs better? Why you are “like” this? Why you act “this way?” 

It may seem trite to say, but the answers and the comfort we seek are truly within each of us. No, the answers are not often easy to access. They are not easy to recognize. They are very difficult to make sense of or process on our own, especially when we are busy, overwhelmed, and stressed by life. 

But the answers are there, available to us: as images in meditative states; as flashbulb memories that pop up randomly while we are on a long drive; as intense vivid dreams; or as synchronicities with others we interact with along the way. Most us — in our busy, occupied, or active states — ignore these images, memories, coincidences, and dreams. Or maybe we briefly notice them, but don’t take the time and space needed to dwell in them, to allow them to register in our whole systems, or to feel them. We miss them, frankly. We ask for answers. They come. But we are too much in our alert, thinking, survival-focused minds to notice or process.

Even those of us who perceive sense impressions that don’t line up with our ordinary experience, don’t know what “to do” with them when they arise. We get confused or we quickly analyze these impressions, trying to figure out what they “mean” rather than simply sense or receive them.

It’s important for me to share at this point that I still do this, too. Even after years of paying attention and practicing, I still spend most of my time struggling with the question, “But what does it all mean?”

That said, spending more intentional time in relaxed states has allowed more images, memories, and feelings to emerge. This is one way to start interacting more with your soul: by slowing down and becoming more receptive to the subtle sense impressions, memories, and feelings. It’s a different kind of interaction than we are used to. And as such, it takes a long time and a lot of practice to get better at it. 

Once we get better at receiving subtle sense impressions, memories, and feelings from the depths while relaxed, we learn for ourselves what it’s like to be in a relaxed, receptive state. We can then compare and contrast between one state and another. We get to know better our emotional selves while in a relaxed state compared to our emotional selves in an overwhelmed or high alert state. We can see in which state we are more loving or more creative, and in which state we are more shut down and uninspired. Toggling between two different states can teach us a lot about who we are and how we behave depending on our state of awareness. It may answer the questions above of “why am I like this?” or “why do I do that?”

Making space and time to sink into a more relaxed state of awareness — whether it’s daydreaming, napping, getting into bed earlier, or simply spending time laying on your back in a quiet space staring at the ceiling — is like flicking the On switch on your inner radio that is able to receive messages from your depths, from your past or future selves, or from your soul. 

There is another You down there. In fact, there are countless other Yous down there. And the better you get to know them, the more options you have for who and how to be in waking life.