latest by jen
Color of
“War is what happens when language fails.” — Margaret Atwood * * * * * This is the color of my voice these days … Almost Silent. Imagine it there in a box of 64 crayons. In my mind’s eye, Almost Silent is wrapped in Ecru But its waxy innards are sea green. Almost Silent, when taken to paper, magically scribbles in a shade of blue known only to the indigenous people of an island ...
Review: How to Survive a Sharknado
Book Details Title: How to Survive a Sharknado (and Other Unnatural Disasters) Author: Andrew Shaffer (with contributions by Fin Shepard & April Wexler) Publisher: Three Rivers Press, July 2014 Review In 1999, when Chronicle Books published the first in what would eventually be the popular Worst-Case Scenario book series, I was an early adopter. I can’t say for certain where I purchased my now worn copy (it’s still in my personal library after six moves, including ...
Sexy Quiet
What if I made the choice and the choice was Quiet? It’s true sometimes Noise tricks me into believing he is life. What with all the heart racing and the jumping out of bed. Gentle she, Quiet, though sometimes tiresome allows me the freedom to kiss my children goodbye and think like that again only when the front door crashes open. Unassuming Quiet permits me to write and eat ice cream. I desire Quiet. Noise, though ...
What the world needs now
I spent the morning with my father-in-law in a cafe in Kfar Tavor. He was generous enough to be an interview subject for me in regards to a creative writing project I’m preparing for a class called “Art, Atrocity, and Truth.” My father-in-law is a child of the Holocaust. He is, in a way, art born of atrocity. His story is fascinating, as are the stories of so many whose parents survived the Holocaust, either in camps ...
Putting out fires at almost 40
Honesty bursts forth from me in fits, in starts. This is 40. This may not be 40 for you. I realize, for you, this may be 43. Or 38. or 67. I don’t know if it’s temporal, situational, or hormonal, this shift. It certainly resembles the week leading up to my period with its moodiness, its gentle swaying between certainty and confusion. There are moments, for instance, when I can’t speak anything but the absolute ...
If it was a place
If it was a place — cognitive dissonance, it would be here, Israel. Where in one swift shift I move from embarrassment (I forgot about swimming lessons) to fear of war. Shame I forgot about it; murder and them (those who can’t forget except in dreams which aren’t real) and yelled at my son for telling me he was bored on the second day after school ended. If it was a place — cognitive dissonance, it would be ...
How to be a happy fool
The Buddha never said this, but it’s the noise of parenthood that propels me to appreciate the quiet. This is probably the greatest lesson I’ve learned so far in the 11 and a half years I’ve been mothering. This is also why I wouldn’t use time travel to go back and change being a parent because these little butterflies that look almost nothing like me have had an active and passive role in shaping me; ...
Totally awesome redefined
I’m a girl who grew up in the totally awesome eighties, so it’s taken time for me to integrate the word awesome into my system with an emphasis on awe. But as I am awakening more to the magic in my life and in the world around me, I’m finding it necessary to rethink, “awesome.” I processed this realization as I watched a trailer of an upcoming film in which astronauts describe what many of them say ...
A date with Haifa
Yesterday I took my husband to the ER for symptoms he has been suffering for over a week. Fortunately he was released at the end of a very long day and evening with a diagnosis of pneumonia. Serious, but not as serious as we thought, and treatable with antibiotics. And so … relief. We both hate the hospital. I suppose most people do. Worse than the fear of germs for me, though, is the overwhelm ...
The New 40
“40 is the new 30,” said a friend of mine the other day. That would totally and completely suck, I just realized. Yes, my hair was blonder. Yes, my breasts were firmer. Yes, I had ten years ahead of me still ‘ til 40. But … wow. 30. 2004. Mom of one very restless baby. Up to my eyeballs in change … not bad change but the kind that causes upheaval that equals frequent upset. ...
What I imagine when I imagine the end of the world
Short Fiction When I imagine the end of the world, I am alone at the edge of a cliff. It’s evening and God Only Knows by the Beach Boys is playing on a box radio I looted from my neighbor’s basement. If it were a movie, I’d be gazing out over the city lights of Los Angeles just as the electricity went out, as one by one the skyscrapers lost power, and the city fell dark. A ...
Let the summer of 40 begin
When I was a younger girl, I never imagined I’d marry a guy my own age. It’s not that I was into older guys. Mamash, LO, as we say in Hebrew. Definitely NOT. Older guys scared me. I typically dated guys who were maximum two years older. This was my boyfriend demographic for many years. Guys my own age were my friends; little brothers. Guys older than me by more than two years also landed ...
The obligatory notice
Almost as often as I change the furniture around in my house, I like to play with the look and feel of the blog. Please note the new design only enough to be aware that it’s still me. Fine. I admit it. I was really looking for an excuse to post this not-half-bad picture of almost-40-year-old-me. The redesign is just a ruse. Not half bad, right? But DO note the new MENU in the sidebar of the ...
Take heed
What if the woman who’s leaving Bob Dylan in Boots of Spanish Leather returns one day? Maybe instead of boots she just brings her older, softer, leathery self to a cafe where it’s said Dylan sometimes drinks black coffee. I imagined that woman and with her in mind, played a little with blackout poetry. It’s the first time I almost like the result. Take Heed I just thought you might want a long ol’ time alone. From the storm From the ...
Throw my suitcase out there, too
The best coworker I ever had was the one who every morning sat with me for a half hour while drinking our morning coffee and did dream analysis with me. She was good. So was I. Coffee + dream analysis = best way to start the morning. I’m pretty decent on my own, but it’s more fun to analyze your dreams with a friend. I also really enjoy showing people the obvious connections they are ...
Photographic memory
I love photography even though I’ve never been as good at the art as I might have liked; might have been. I’m grateful — seriously, grateful — to Instagram, for allowing me an outlet for the scenes I capture in my mind’s eye and feel compelled to share, but hardly ever render to my satisfaction on a traditional camera. I took photography as an elective in high school — learned how to develop my own film ...
Subway metaphor
It’s likely I will never understand the passage of time. By the time I understand I will have passed time. Quickly like the express train. People some I know become blurred colors along a tiled wall. Their names once tiled too in a mosaic of sorts crumble and all that is left is a private joke as private as can be because it’s with me now. I see myself at the turnstile at the 18th ...
My memory waited 14 years for this photo to catch up
“We took our coffee into the living room. He stood at the stereo and asked if I had any requests. ‘Something Blue-ish,’ I said. While he flipped through his records, he told me about the time he’d asked his daughter for requests; she was about three at the time and cranky after a nap, going down the stairs one at a time on her butt. He imitated her saying, ‘No music, Daddy.’ ‘I told her we had to listen to ...
- Dreams |
Why Dreamwork?
Recently, I wrote a brief personal essay in response to the question, “What is dreamwork?” In this post, I offer you why you might work your dreams and some benefits I’ve received as a result of dreamwork. (I envision this as a series, evolving as I evolve, as new benefits…
- Health |
- Mindfulness |
The Best Way to Spend Your Morning Hours
What is the most healthful way to spend the hours just after waking in the morning following a good night sleep? Is it best to roll out of bed, on to a mat, and spend an hour in silent meditation? In prayer? Is it best to begin your day with…
- Self Discovery |
Talking to No One
I am a talker, a writer, a person who externalizes that which is internal. Over the course of my life until now, this has sometimes looked like over-sharing with friends, or over-confessional blog posts, or over-explaining myself and my reasons for my actions. About 15 years ago, during a self-development…
- Dreams |
What Is Dreamwork?
You picked up a business card with the word “dreamwork,” but you didn’t know what that meant, so you searched up the web site listed and found yourself here. Or… Someone you trust told you that there was a way to intentionally and purposefully work with your dreams for healing,…
- Dreams |
Dreams and Time
Since I was a little girl, I have been as fascinated with the concept of time travel as I have with the nature of dreams. It wasn’t well into adulthood, however, that I started contemplating that one possibly related to the other. Influenced by science fiction tv shows and films…
- Dreams |
Is Dreamwork Like Therapy?
This week, I attended an annual writer’s conference, but instead of my writer self, I could tell it was my inner dreamworker who wanted to show up there. In a way, the writer’s conference was my dreamworker debut, if that’s a thing. A bit shyly, but not reluctantly, I added…
- Dreams |
Working with Dreams for Healing
In my recent “audio chat” on Patreon, I spoke a little about why I believe we are missing an opportunity for healing when we don’t pay attention to our dreams, when we don’t dive deeper into the dream experience, and when we don’t meaningfully engage with our children about their…
- Dreams |
Are Some Dreams Psychic?
It took me a long time to believe in my psychic dreams, in my ability to dream of events that eventually came true. In fact, it took more than just “belief;” it required an alternative paradigm for experiencing time, space, and memory. As I started to understand that precognition inside…
- Writing |
What’s the Weirdest Thing That’s Happened to You?
I have a vague memory of sitting at the kitchen table in my childhood home and saying to my mom, “I’m weird.” “You’re not weird,” my mom said in response. (I almost wrote “honey” there at the end, but I’m pretty sure my mother never called me a pet name.)…
- Self Discovery |
Seeking Guidance With Your Spiritual Awakening?
Is it necessary to move through a spiritual awakening alone? I’m not sure. Maybe for some or parts of it. But I know that on my own journey, especially over the last seven years since I turned 40, there have been times I’ve desperately sought out a teacher, a guide,…