(A Poem)
Tacos for 79 cents,
mild sauce ask for extra and squeeze
Children’s Place, a tunnel with carpet inside
crawl through the storefront window
My first Walkman not a Sony
downstairs at a stereo store in the corner next to Strawbridge’s across from Heroes World
before Heroes World moved upstairs
One time
downstairs
I saw a man scanning the comic books
the inside of his ear on the outside
I didn’t tell anyone
but the vision is still there
with the comic books
unerased
Smelly erasers
Sanrio
I stole one and my mom made me give it back
“say sorry to the lady” who maybe once stole stuff too.
White tiles – big
Black tiles- small
Step on a crack, break my mother’s
back by the Clinique counter.
Pantyhose (stockings) downstairs, down an escalator
watch your shoelaces, “tie them!”
Sbarros a booth and the back of a perm seen from
the old Gap which was new once
jeans only then V-neck sweaters
Seasonal in and outs up near JC Penney’s or Sears, the anchors I never explored ’cause someone I won’t say who said poor people
Broken glass my dad ate inside a Chinese stir fry at a restaurant near the top of the escalator over the Food Court before the Food Court
before
Bananaberry shakes
gyros
Mr. Bulky’s
Giggling at boys
Skater boys
Yummy blonde skater boys named Jon P with bangs hanging over one eye
never paid attention to me ’cause my bangs were too crunchy or my nose too big or the scrunchy socks before hair scrunchies or was too Jewish or too rich
even though I never thought I was rich
just had nice clothes and got to go on vacation sometimes
back when my parents were married still.
CVS
Silver City Pink
painted on like cum on my 13 year old lips to try to get in to see Down & Out In Beverly Hills and then tried again to see House which wasn’t as scary couldn’t have been with the guy from Greatest American Hero
I have his autograph
had. Rated R for
Rocky Horror Picture Show after the sophmore cotillion Josh made me sit on the end and I was scared of the transvestite. Sticky floors sticky
Bighair
Bigbighair
Cookie cake – so many cookie cakes
Sam Goody’s 2 for 99 cents bin
Teeny tiny chicklets in a yellow envelope damp at the top with my saliva
Loitering
Once we were kicked out for loitering
Me and Dylan and maybe Sondra or Meghan, I don’t remember but what a dumb cop to think good girls knew how to loiter
We weren’t even hiding any Benson & Hedges cigarettes in our pockets that day. Just wanted to be near boys
passing by girls who used to sleep over my house in my double bed with me next to me after softball but now hardly look at me pretend instead they were never there.
Giggling
Those girls do
Laughing at a fat kid because Michael P. with his feathered black hair said to and because that’s what you do when you travel in packs
at the mall
McDonald’s a book store Hallmark that T-shirt place that awesome iron-on T-shirt place where you could choose cute critters or Papagalo’s Pizza logo or Adam Ant fuzzy beaver on the front what was it called up there above Woolworth’s where I used to buy tye dye with Rachel so we could make t-shirts and sell them on my street where cars passed by because it was a busy street not a quiet court like hers
One time I got lost
— or was that Jason?
One time my mom hid from me, from us, to teach us a lesson
One time I saw Brian there and he winked at me and I felt pretty and popular and was certain that my life was about to change
One time I dared to go into Spencer’s
One time I got my ears pierced at Piercing Pagoda in front of everybody, why did they do that? in front of everybody?
One time I went back there and it wasn’t there anymore
Not even the piano store where they used to give lessons and play Liberace reminds me of Bubbi and Poppop always because they liked those piano shows on tv and took me to organ lessons there for a week or two or maybe a month but not long enough for me to know how to play the piano or the organ or any instrument that would allow me to make music ( I just want to make music)
Not even Structure or Express, nothing left
not even one whiff of anything that once smelled like Drakkar Noir
Just some of the walls and the cracks in the floor and the medal on the wall near
Strawbridges
And a Lens Crafters. There’s a Lens Crafters.
= = =
Jen Sonstein Maidenberg is a writer, researcher and dreamwork practitioner. She still dreams about the Echelon Mall. Read more of her writing about dreams, memory, and time here and here.
